My life hasn’t turned out even close to how I thought it always should or how I thought I always wanted it to.
Is that my own fault?
I guess so, since I ultimately make all of my own decisions and choices, and those decisions and choices have brought me to where I am today. Of course, family, social influences, media, etc all play a major role in helping us make those decisions.
My entire life I always said I would have a long happy marriage, have four children, a large house, a successful career, and have traveled or be travelling all over the world.
Since I knew I was expected to have an excellent career. I got my first job at age 11 at a local tree nursery. I worked after school, Monday thru Friday, and every Saturday, all day. Sunday was my only day off. I had the same job with the same hours until I graduated from high school.
…and in my six years of working at the nursery, I did not miss one single day. I was going to be who everyone in my life, unknowingly and subliminally, convinced me I wanted to be.
I was a perfect employee. I was going to be a perfect leader of some big corporation one day. I was dedicated and I was determined. “Fake it ‘til I make it,” was my motto back then.
I was great at “faking it,” but according to how my life was supposed to unfold, I won’t make it and I never will…
I am very aware that I could do more to make my life exactly how I had envisioned. I could work harder, go back to school, get a part-time job to help pay for my schooling, put my nose to the old grindstone, and make sure I follow through to the end. Everyone that knew me back then, would be so proud of me.
At some point in the past ten years though, I realized I shouldn’t have to “fake it.” I had become an adult and the choices I make for my life have to make me happy. If there’s someone that my life choices disappoint along the way (even if it’s my intimidating, but loving father) then that is their problem and maybe they should focus on themselves more.
Currently, I am 29 years old, I have had a short unsuccessful marriage (now divorced, although I have been in a fantastic relationship for four years), I have two step children over the age of ten with no possibility of having kids of my own, I am a full-time homemaker with minimal income, I have a small older home, and leave my house/yard about twice a month to drive ten minutes into town for groceries. In fact, this past summer, I did not leave my home for 1.5 months.
Am I satisfied with how my mundane, rundown, lower-class life is?
Definitely! The life I had always pictured and imagined wasn’t the life I truly wanted. It was the life I was told to have. The life I had bottle fed to me, read to me in storybooks, played for me on the guitar, and forced into my head. It was the life I had imagined and was determined I would have the moment I was born. It was the life my parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, teachers, mentors, friends, movies, tv shows, books, and so on and so forth told me my life should and would be. The life that most people always seem to be trying to have. A life of always having to “one-up” the neighbour, own the home with best view, work out, stay fit, and drive an expensive luxury car. But for me, that is a very “fake life” and why fake who I am when life is already so short?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I get bored easily but there is always some kind of excitement going on around here; I would LOVE to have been able to have kids of my own; a newer and larger home; a brand new vehicle; as well as travel around the world with my family.
But is it worth the price?
Since I did work so hard at a young age, I am extremely fortunate that I currently, have no debt at all. Both, my small home and my aging vehicle, are completely paid off. I stay at home and I don’t drive into town so I don’t spend any extra money. Of course, like everyone that has some basic bills, I still have to have an income, so for now I’ve been buying things at auctions or at thrift stores, fixing them up, and reselling them online.
I am also a stay-at-home step-mom, I am very thankful to have the opportunity to spend extra quality time with my two amazing step children.
And since realizing I didn’t need or want that “fake life,” the biggest stress I have had is explaining to my parents, who have had a hard time understanding, that I’m living my life how I want and that I am happier than ever! Their entire lives they have based success on money, career, and possessions. So as simple as it may seem to some, for my parents it’s an entirely new concept and way of living.
I value my time because days and weeks go by in the blink of an eye. So my days are no longer wasted competing with people to have the biggest and the best, I don’t spend money on pointless frivolous things, I am not inundated by my social media feeds, and I am no longer constantly running to do pointless favours that may or may not be returned and my stressful busy life has become almost virtually stress-free.
The simple, slow, country life may not be for everyone but no matter where you’re going, how you get there, or where you end up;
It’s your life and it’s your choice so do whatever is going to make yourself happy.
